I used to be a heavy smoker but I quit about 3 years ago. Recently though I relapsed a bit during a really bad bout of depression. Had a couple while crying my eyes out, and felt a bit better, so l didn't beat myself up about my little fall from grace. I reasoned that if it helped me through a bad spell it was probably OK to have the occasional one when I was feeling very low, so that's what I did for the next few weeks.

I'm not depressed now, but I do seem to have fallen even more by the wayside. I'm now smoking two or three most days, and I find myself justifying this with saying 'A little bit of what you fancy does you good.' I know that's a pretty weak excuse, and I know I'm in serious danger of slipping further and further down the rocky road to being a smoker again, or am I already one? I don't want to be a smoker. I know it's anti-social, and makes my breath and clothes smell, and is bad for my health, etc. etc. but Oh it does feel so good, and I don't really care if I die younger than I would have done otherwise - it's a pretty awful world we live in anyway.

I know I must get a grip on myself and refuse to give in to the cravings, and I will try. I will. I will. But it's ooooh sooooh hard!