lifes-a-bitch

I was once mistaken for a man.

I was on a bike ride down in Kent with Hubby and all 4 children. It was quite cold, so we were all muffled up in jeans, thick ski jackets, gloves and warm woolly hats. We cycled through a village, single file, as the street was quite narrow. Hubby was in the lead with the four kids following, and I was last, keeping a weather eye out to make sure the children were all cycling safely. There was a car parked at the kerb ahead, and Hubby pulled out to cycle past it and the children followed. Just as I was also passing it the door suddenly opened, and knocked me off my bike. I wasn't hurt badly, just a bit bruised and shaken, but the old chap that had opened the door added insult to injury by saying "Sorry sir, I didn't see you" Well I just saw red when he said that, so I'm afraid I said very loudly "I'M NOT EXACTLY INVISIBLE IN THIS" (indicating my bright purple ski jacket) "AND IF YOU CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN AT THIS DISTANCE I THINK YOU NEED TO GO TO THE OPTICIANS IMMEDIATELY"

Needless to say, Hubby and kids never let me live it down, and still call me "Sir" sometimes when they want to wind me up....Well, I mean....I'm well aware I'm not the most beautiful woman on the planet....but I didn't think I was that bad....

So now you know

No 1 was the lie - I actually passed my driving test first time! (but I did need to have a lesson for every year of my age before my instructor considered I was ready to take it)

I once found a live goldfish flapping around in the fireplace of my bedsit. It was in the summer of 1962, and I had put twists of paper in the grate to catch any small soot falls that might come down the chimney. I was woken up just after dawn by the sound of newspaper sort of crackling from the direction of the fireplace. When I investigated there was a large rather sooty goldfish flapping around on top of the newspaper! I scooped it up and plonked it in the sink and ran some water for it. Understandably I just couldn't figure out how it had got there. Later after getting dressed I went round to the local pet shop for a bowl to put it in, and told the guy behind the counter what had happened. He reckoned that the probable explanation was that a heron had caught it in a local garden pond, and decided to carry it to the top of my chimney stack to eat. He said that they like to swallow fish head-first, and that it had probably dropped it as it was juggling it about in it's beak. I bought some fish food and got a bit of advice on goldfish keeping, and "Sooty" survived for a couple of years after his(her?) ordeal

Next revelation will follow in due course

In response to THIS

Here are 3 things about me, which one is the lie?

1. I had to take my driving test 4 times before I passed.

2. I once found a live goldfish flapping around in the fireplace of my bedsit.

3. I was once mistaken for a man.

Some of you will remember THIS post. For the last few weeks since then I've had to do all my cooking in the microwave which we set up in the conservatory, and make drinks in the lobby between the kitchen and garage, where we put the fridge. The cooker, dishwasher and washing machine were in the garage. All the cookware, plates, cups etc were on the floor in the lounge, and all the dry food items were piled up in the dining room.

Upstairs was chaos as well, because of all the rewiring and re-plumbing. The landing carpet and bathroom toiletries were in the spare bedroom. and our bedroom had all the sheets & towels etc stored in it, as the airing cupboard had to be emptied so the immersion heater could be changed.

Well its pretty well back to normal now, apart from a few minor details so I'm now a very happy (but exhausted) bunny!

The following are a few pics showing how the shell of my demolished kitchen was transformed into my dream kitchen

Click on any pic for a full screen image

First off the walls and ceiling were plastered.

and dried out over the next few days

Then the units were installed, and my washing machine re-appeared from the garage, but it wasn't plumbed in, so my hopes of catching up on the laundry were dashed!

Then the ceiling, walls and wooden doors and window-frames got a few coats of white paint, and the wall tiles were put up. Washing machine and dishwasher are now plumbed in, but the cooker's still waiting to be wired up.

All done! (bar the finishing touches....those stools have got to go for a start - Nice chrome and black ones methinks)

I can watch telly while I'm cooking, and it folds flat against the wall when it's not in use

The fridge is tucked neatly away between two tall cupboards with a display shelf and high storage cupboard above it. Microwave, toaster and coffee machine all fit nicely along the work surface opposite the cooker and breakfast bar.

And this is how it looks at night with only the under-cupboard lighting on....purrrrrfect for not hurting your eyes if you wake up and come downstairs for a drink in the small hours.

All that's left to do now is get the window blinds put up (silver Venetian blinds....they're on order.... a 4 week wait unfortunately), and shampoo all the carpets in the rest of the house (they're all tinged terracotta with brick dust at the moment....it wont hoover up, I've tried!)

I'm looking forward to a nice rest and some decent food again - I made a rhubarb crumble for pud last night YEAH

This little piggy flu to Margate
And this little piggy stayed in Hove
This little piggy flu to Cowdenbeath
And this little piggy to Clun
And this little piggy went wee wee wee all round County Tyrone.

Seems to be working

What do you reckon?

I just think this is so beautiful, and sad, and will strike so many chords with so many people, that I wanted to share it with you all.

Man of the world: Fleetwood Mac

Shall I tell you about my life
They say I'm a man of the world
I've flown across every tide
And I've seen lots of pretty girls

I guess I've got everything I need
I wouldn't ask for more
And there's no one I'd rather be
But I just wish that I'd never been born

And I need a good woman
To make me feel like a good man should
I don't say I'm a good man
Oh, but I would be if I could

I could tell you about my life
And keep you amused I'm sure
About all the times I've cried
And how I don't want to be sad any more
And how I wish I was in love

This is for children of any age

Well.....lawn to be precise! That sparrowhawk has been visiting us for a spot of lunch again.

Click on picture for larger image

I really don't mind him helping himself to the collared doves and wood pigeons that frequent our garden, but I do wish he'd take them somewhere else to pluck and eat - he's made a right bloody mess!

The latest craze to hit blogland! "Our Kevin" started it all HERE

I spy with my little eye something beginning with

S

If you get it right you get to choose the next Eagle eye spy!

The latest craze to hit blogland!  See  HERE

I spy with my little eye something beginning with

A

If you get it right you get to choose the next Eagle eye spy!

We wos 'avin a day by the sea
me kids, me fella, an me...
It started out fine,
we got there about nine
an we picked a good spot
in the shade of a rock
jus' clear of the 'igh wa'er line.

First orf we went for a swim...
the tide wos very near in
the wa'er wos nice
so I went in twice,
then we played wiv a ball
an a Frisbee an all,
which warmed us all up in a trice!

Me youngest 'e sat near the rocks
puttin' sand in 'is big bruvver's socks
I giv 'im a slap
an' said "Stop doin' that!"
so 'e 'ad a right paddy
an screamed for 'is daddy...
that kid is a spoilt little brat!

Then the other one started!
'E giggled an farted
then filled up 'is bucket,
an got ready to chuck it
all over 'is sister...
fank goodness, 'e missed 'er,
she'd never 'ave 'ad time to duck it!

Well me fella 'ad seen wot 'e done
so 'e give 'im a clout on the bum
an said "Don't yer dare scream
or yer'll get no ice-cream.
I ain't tellin' yer twice
so shuddup an play nice
an f*cking stop makin' a scene!"

It all quietened down after that
so I 'ad a nice little nap.
When I woke up again
it wos spittin' with rain.
The kids looked all dejected,
an I rarver suspected
They wos soon gonna start to complain.

I reckoned that it would be best
if we all 'urried up an got dressed
cos it looked like the grey
'ad set in for the day
so I said "Right that's it
I've 'ad enough of this shit...
We're going back 'ome right away."

Well the kids wos all cryin'
an me fella was sighin',
an it started to pour
as we all left the shore.
...I'm not one to create
but I'm tellin yer straight
I ain't going there any more!

This is my entry for La Spices poetry competition ( HERE )